After winning several national titles including the National 50 and the Closed Circuit Championships over the last few years, Emma Lewis is now relishing the challenge of motherhood. We asked her for an honest account of how her life has changed.
During my last year of racing my mind had, in all honesty, moved towards a different focus; it wasn’t racing or getting faster, it was focused on starting a family.
This most definitely impacted how I approached my training and racing; with less enthusiasm and dedication than the previous years where I believe I performed at my very best and achieved some titles I will forever be proud of. My last year of racing was not my best.
When we found out we were having a baby I was committed to having a healthy pregnancy, and cycling continued to be a form of exercise I enjoyed and was able to do right up to a few weeks before I gave birth when it simply became too uncomfortable to ride the Wattbike any longer.
I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Delilah Joy on 22/05/2021 at 8:36pm and my life changed forever at that precise moment. As a previous athlete, not long after having my baby I felt a need to start getting fit again. Not four weeks after she was born I went on my first jog, and just six weeks after she was born I felt brave enough to sit on a bike saddle again.
I have regularly been asked “Do you think you will race again?” I simply don’t know the answer to this question. Would I like to race again? Yes absolutely. When? Who knows? Would I feel immense pressure to be as good as I used to be? Most definitely. Will that have a negative impact on my enjoyment of going back to racing? Without a doubt.
The load of motherhood is enormous and no one can prepare you for it, we are expected to keep our baby alive, educate and play with them, keep the house clean, keep our relationship alive, keep track of the bills, all the while ensuring we have career aspirations, get our body back to how it was before pregnancy and maintain our 10,000 steps a day… not to mention doing this on minimal sleep! Add to this, you were once an athlete who gave everything to your sport whilst maintaining a full-time job. It’s asking a lot of a person and for me, I believe perspective and time is required to come to terms with it all.
I am young when it comes to time trialling, after all Kristin Armstrong became an Olympic Time Trial Champion at 42 with children of her own. This gives me hope and alleviates some of the pressure I feel to get back to the level I was within the first year of having my baby.
I simply don’t know what my life will look like when I return to work. Before Delilah, I would go on the turbo in the morning or after work, and commute to and from the office. But those hours will now be my only opportunity to see my daughter after a day at nursery.
I don’t yet feel settled in my mothering life to commit to returning to racing immediately. In a way I would love to get back to racing at the level I used to, however I am currently at a completely new and exciting stage in my life where racing hasn’t yet found its place. I’m committed wholeheartedly to raising my daughter, enjoying my maternity leave with her and giving her the best start in life.
I really don’t know when I will return to racing, I have yet to return to work and Delilah is due to start nursery very soon! My mind can only really focus on the trepidation of these stages currently!
When I return to racing I would love to do the Closed Circuit Championship, it’s a race close to my heart and a great place to take the family.
I have very mixed feelings about returning to racing as there would be an expectation on me to be back to how I used to be, both from myself and others. Whilst people would say there isn’t, there will be. I would feel pressure hit the numbers for a 10 that I used to hit, to be as lean as I was before, to go as fast as I used to.
But you change a lot when you have a baby; physically and mentally you undergo drastic changes. Your relationship with your body and the outer world is not the same. There are a lot of mother athletes out there to aspire to; Dame Sarah Storey, Lizzie Deignham, Dame Laura Kenny… however they are all full-time athletes who are paid to get back to where they were before.
There are also practical issues to consider for returning to racing:
Can I afford to enter, travel and pay for a hotel in order to race? Can we fit everything in the car? For such tiny little things babies bring with them a lot of stuff!
Is it fair for me to return to work having had over nine months off, and then take more time off to race?
For mothers who are breastfeeding, I know that they often have to take this into account, when their baby needs them, there’s no arguing, not even if you’re in the middle of a warm-up, the baby is the priority.
There are also emotional issues to consider; no one tells you about the worry and anxiety you feel as a mother trying to raise a baby. It’s the most amazing time in your life but also your brain never switches off. To race you need to be focused on that moment. As a mother, I cannot yet envisage switching off and not have moments during a race where I will worry that Delilah needs something that the caregiver with her isn’t attuned to.
Further to this of course there are physical issues any returning mother would have worries about. Depending on the type of birth, some mums may experience pelvic floor concerns. I am fortunate that a majority of the staff I manage are also mums. One particular lady would email me work questions but always finish her email with the word ‘squeeze!’ I kept up my pelvic floor exercises and am lucky to not have issue when exercising.
You often get people say to you; you’ve given birth, you can push yourself harder than ever before now. Whilst one part is true, I did give birth! In all honesty, having the natural birth I did, I simply cannot remember the pain, therefore I won’t know if my pain threshold has risen or not!
I do however feel it is very important for Delilah to grow up around parents who are hard-working and doing what they enjoy. I often bring Delilah into our home gym to keep me company whilst I do some gentle weightlifting. She of course checks my form in between watching Dave and Ava on YouTube!
Returning to elite sport would be a brilliant way of Delilah experiencing the world of cycling and to eventually decide if she’d like to follow in her parents’ footsteps. Or simply to enjoy the fresh air and atmosphere the cycling world can bring her.
Cycling at any level is one of the best things I have ever done and I cannot imagine bringing my daughter up without it in her life in some form or another. We are very fortunate in this country to have such fantastic opportunities for young people and cycling, I would be a fool not to ensure Delilah at least has the chance to give it all a go!
Whatever happens, I’m looking forward to keeping up with the racing and watching Team Independent Pedallers race as I remain in contact with them. I’m enjoying watching new and talented women raise the bar in the time trial world and wish everyone luck for the forthcoming season.
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